Tagged: the Dead
No One Can Hear You
I hear my mom hoping for it
my uncle tries to prevent it
at worst, he’ll collect it
my aunt prays someone will
do it for her
but no one will kill us for us
we walk ourselves to the door
we tell ourselves
this is your home
when they’ve all felt the same
this is food
when you can’t tell
this is your 11:30 Sprite
this is Tom Selleck, remember?
yes, he’s still alive
that was the doctor
no, I don’t know where he’s from
this is connected to you
this is your checkbook
I know, it’s an arm and a leg
would you like to go home?
would you like that?
Jansport
If I had a clear backpack they
might see my Gameboy, or
whatever book I was reading
instead of the required
they might see how seldom
I used my folders, jamming
papers in like
forcing fire
if it rained it might look
like water on a window
on days when classmates with
clear umbrellas came equipped
with their own atmospheres
all docking here – I may
never have gone in
instead I’d lie to my mother
(I’d take the bus just
to spend all day
walking home)
or try lying to my father
(an interest in the coast guard)
he would have said
there are so few men
and so many fakes
they are easy to reproduce
and pass off
it’s taken me all my life
but here’s how you tell
The Music I Would Take to Space
I sing in the artist’s
voice – almost always
Rivers Cuomo is close
Billy Corgan hurts
Claudio Sanchez is like
I swallowed a laser
Cedric Bixler even higher
I can do Courtney Love
Shirley Manson – the
garbage version – but only
if my window is closed
I actually don’t know
where my singing voice
is – it’s gotta be in
my stomach, but
I keep my stress there
they fight their way out
– the Gemini twins
pulling at each other’s
loose skin, scrolling open
my throat like birch bark
the bugs are stars, but
they are themselves first
like all performers
I am understudy
I am making what I fake
but I have this window
one little window by which
life scrolls by – the
marquee – how exciting it is to
jump into a sentence before
knowing its ending
it’s got you talking
you can’t not finish
there’s no way nothing’s there
The Most Humane Way Possible
I can see faces
in the trees again
their beards covering
their mouths their eyes
the spaces of absence
where the grapevine
hasn’t quite
blanked me out of view
we’ve been through so much
they’re expecting a list
but I couldn’t I can’t
I’m wondering about the farm
you adopted two hens
but must cull
five to six muscovies
the most humane way
is not the easiest
almost never
I wonder if
it’s a huge mistake
then remind myself
that we slept well together at
my parents’
we bought a car
we survived an abortion, an
assault, a freeze, a virus
all of which during
we wanted to pull so tight
like netting and a cone
and pass through our
rib cages trying but failing
to catch us, breaking
the skin like pin feathers
I must provide life
that is what goes on the table
you must provide love
but I think mine goes first
I must work on balance
I picture cairns, but
not that something
way more considerate
– mindful of
underwater bugs
maybe she’s here
and that’s why you can’t sleep
I would have loved
to have seen you pregnant
maybe it’s the house
it’s probably me
what’s the most humane
way possible
upside down into a bucket
but we slept so well at
my parents’ loved
so well in the trailer
had options
overcame those options
like mountain climbers
but on soft, little heads
we must attract
the type of good
you can’t feel good about
but it’s what we’d want
if we had the other
Scully
what part of now will be
preserved? The lights over
the river, hovering then taking off
the donkey under the tarp
the constant offering from cats
of mice, lizards, once a
painted bunting, once a snake while
I was masturbating
Once I saw the cat stalking
the ducks – when they see him
they stand up
he saunters off like this
was never his intention
my intention can be unruly
I broadcast in wide gestures
or none at all
Mulder
be careful with the moon
as it is not your ally
your coat beguiles formal
black with green, purple
you dance first
walk with your hips
seem to be most alive
when others can’t see you
so what are you now?
ghost alive
like a cat
overwhelmed enough to bite
then immediately regretful
embarassed, therefore
more likely to bite
it envenomates the feeling
I’m not sure which is which
whether the light
is actually the light
or the lack thereof
AB –
the truth is
I don’t want to talk
to anybody
the end suits me
when she called
I lied and leveraged
something very real
when you’re around
I don’t know to feel
because I feel great
when you’re gone
it’s like
I have so much
catching up
to do
Ophelia
always interrupt me for
animals or ghosts
food-related reasons
bathroom
a sound you
hear the car making
my exit
a song on the radio in
need of lifting
or a heavy thing
land upon
my head
wake me up with tears
if I am cold
slipped like petals
on the sheets
like grief
drawn by a fly
or a bird
hiding its hurt
stop me at the edge
if I get too close
hold my body in
point me towards
the beginning
and set me down
Mink Teddy Bear
to exist beyond
the worst
having happened
is not the end
of fear
but a full lap
the kids will
often
bring me things
one brings a mermaid
I take its
temperature
one brings
a transformer
it lights up
another brings
a bear that is so soft
it feels alive
maybe it is alive
we’ll keep
its secret
it hides
in the child’s
arms
slips
behind
her voice
around the breath
beneath
the door
mutating
undulate along
the air
like a virus –
evading its end
by
pretending
it’s
not real
Worm-Like
once I let the machines
repair my body
they power washed my stomach
drilled relief
into my tail
one guy spent the entire time
in my jaw, just scraping
they must have missed some
anxiety, I guess – what I
described to my parents as
a knife above my chest
not stabbing, just hovering there
I’ve got it down to my tummy
I’m trying to push it out
I’ve ejected my appendix
anxiety – what I describe now
as a strange fungus
aboard a ship
oh to cut it loose
watch it drift into the cold
never to return
never to wonder if you love me
to devalue your love so
never to make things wrong
because it’s easier
because I know these things by
prescription, or strand
because I blame them
or make them disappear to
appear changed
it’s still here
it’s in the room with us now
one day I will loose my hair
my eyesight
my home planet
one day there will be a voice
the one who keeps anxiety
at all costs
from reaching my hands
the poles
dowels in every pore
make the rope you make
around my wrists
nothing can escape when we go