Tagged: the Heart
UFO
I can’t whistle, but
I did once in New Mexico
when I blew steam
across the water like
the Northern Wind
my big cheeks full
my beard and eyebrows
a landform each
I am performing more
as you drift more
but my gestures
fill your sails
you kiss the ground
because it isn’t wet
I bite my tongue to
find some
when you ask for lights
you add that little
*don’t take me*
a disclaimer
*just show yourself*
you mean *anywhere
here… but also
everywhere else*
The Most Humane Way Possible
I can see faces
in the trees again
their beards covering
their mouths their eyes
the spaces of absence
where the grapevine
hasn’t quite
blanked me out of view
we’ve been through so much
they’re expecting a list
but I couldn’t I can’t
I’m wondering about the farm
you adopted two hens
but must cull
five to six muscovies
the most humane way
is not the easiest
almost never
I wonder if
it’s a huge mistake
then remind myself
that we slept well together at
my parents’
we bought a car
we survived an abortion, an
assault, a freeze, a virus
all of which during
we wanted to pull so tight
like netting and a cone
and pass through our
rib cages trying but failing
to catch us, breaking
the skin like pin feathers
I must provide life
that is what goes on the table
you must provide love
but I think mine goes first
I must work on balance
I picture cairns, but
not that something
way more considerate
– mindful of
underwater bugs
maybe she’s here
and that’s why you can’t sleep
I would have loved
to have seen you pregnant
maybe it’s the house
it’s probably me
what’s the most humane
way possible
upside down into a bucket
but we slept so well at
my parents’ loved
so well in the trailer
had options
overcame those options
like mountain climbers
but on soft, little heads
we must attract
the type of good
you can’t feel good about
but it’s what we’d want
if we had the other
AB –
the truth is
I don’t want to talk
to anybody
the end suits me
when she called
I lied and leveraged
something very real
when you’re around
I don’t know to feel
because I feel great
when you’re gone
it’s like
I have so much
catching up
to do
Elgin, TX
rain looks likely
which out here
makes us scurry to
burn things
that are piling up
the weed thing
the food thing
the sleep thing
the dreams
stuck together like
broken furniture
intertwined
clinging to each other
I get home and you’re
bored, so I’m scared
you’re the best thing
I’ve got going
I’m throwing
these things in
I see the neighbor’s fire
hit the tree
sparks threaten
to crawl like ants
towards our house
towards me and
all this wood
towards you and
wherever you are
in there
but the rain comes
as expected
it allows the fire to
process without
consuming itself
or so it assumes
as the fire assumes
it can quit when it wants
so more and more
is just thrown in
like us
a getting-through-shit
machine
a knot through which
the accelerant
is love
Creation Story 2
I was meant to give myself
entirely to something
by now
but each time I say it
my face seems smaller
my beard like ivy on a wall
I am both good and
bad things pretended
but in nature
I am exonerated
I have a cat’s
imagination
under the table
this is how I forgive myself
to build without
touching the mountain
to set up all the little
people
I was meant to give myself
entirely to something
by now… can it be you?
you put a blanket
on the window, close off
all rooms to this room
your jar lids pop
in adjacent counties
ice crumbles into the sky
our breath remains obvious
counted
we lower our portions
beyond the curtain
is a frozen planet inside
a warm vent
another chance to make a life
to remake life in our image
a ball of heat
the twelve minute race
however long
we must hold this embrace
Ophelia
always interrupt me for
animals or ghosts
food-related reasons
bathroom
a sound you
hear the car making
my exit
a song on the radio in
need of lifting
or a heavy thing
land upon
my head
wake me up with tears
if I am cold
slipped like petals
on the sheets
like grief
drawn by a fly
or a bird
hiding its hurt
stop me at the edge
if I get too close
hold my body in
point me towards
the beginning
and set me down
When You Travel by Balloon
I worry you will learn something
that takes you away
a balloon you forget
to let go of
or choose not to
I will grab a balloon
and follow, though
in the sky
I have even less
direction
no bones to block it
no blood
maybe they will put
all the reds together
maybe it has to do with the air
it is exhausting trying to plan
my plans, I fear, are me
choice animating thought
a quarter machine
who grabbed me? do I have control
over where I am? is
control like a thought
should I let it go? is it the same?
I swim through the air in
my best clothing
careful to match the color of cloud
but it’s different when you’re in it
it’s obvious
it ruins it
don’t go
don’t look at me
don’t go
Why Don’t You Say My Name as Much Anymore
my parents would say Terri – I mean your mother
or David – I mean your father
as if I wouldn’t know who they meant. Or like
they were each hiding some Terris or Davids
we weren’t supposed to know about. I never really
suspected, but I would listen sometimes
put a cup to the wall in my closet
that connected to their bathroom
I’d listen to my mother and father spending time
with Terri and David – coordinating spits
in their sinks – starting the shower for the other –
flushing the toilet. sometimes I’d hear the long lighter
snapping its fingers at the candle. sometimes
I’d hear the tub water. they’d say their lover’s name
– serious business in the house that holds
their children. they must have been in on it together
sometimes I’d fall asleep in the closet listening
my nicer pants and things hanging close to my face
curled up against bags with my name
adorned on them, a clear cup along the carpet
A Love Letter
it feels like a good time…
candles already lit, so
no presumptuous
candle lighting
some of the hourglass
sand is stuck. I wonder if
this is like time, then
throw up in my mouth a little
but what place other than
a letter to talk about time?
or sand? or being stuck? plus
I am concerned about my hourglass
it’s meant to be 30 minutes
but with sand stuck to the glass
is it quite? how much
time am I getting?
is it the same sand each time?
or does new time replace it?
it’s hard to tell – I flip it
just to see you buried
the Angel of Forgetfulness
blesses me. The Angel of White
Dimples
rebuilds herself
whole temples in her honor
could this be the time
when all of the sand
falls through? and
Forgetfulness retrieves
her blanket?
will I remember having
said yes to this, this life
and potentially others?
what did I see up there
that meant
enduring a human body
was it your body? It could
have been your body
was it something that needed
to be done?
have I done it?
can I keep doing it? is there any
question but the one I have already
answered yes to…
…is this a good time?
Return
if you ask me to tell you
the code, I can’t do it
I need it in my hands
like your hands
which I feel and
remember with confidence
remember the world
as it was? a root
protruding from the rock
that you perched on
that lead your heart
into touch out of darkness
improbably to me
the mud where
you fell as a bird
I preserved you
curled myself beneath
your weight and
proudly displayed
your feathers
and was adorned by you
now we meet again
there’s a bird
in the roof of your mouth
and it’s like we died
enough times
holding the right ally
the ally holding
something of ours
in return